To the guy who turned me into a single mom;
Life has blessed us with something so precious, so valuable and fragile that we both need to hold it delicately and with conscious care. It was birth from a love that felt right from a time not so distant but then we are not living in some fairy tale dreamland where true loves kiss and happily ever after happens. Ours took down a sordid path where we both were each others destruction. But despite the negatives, she came all innocent and smelling so sweetly that it was impossible to not see her as life’s most wonderful gift. You think that like some movie or novel a child can glue two people together but this is real life, it is so much different and I wouldn’t dream of raising her in a regular family if it means she has to grow in an environment where love is overrun by hatred or abuse, psychological or otherwise. Where indifference and sadness might surround her ever impressionable being. She will grow in a home, no matter dysfunctional, filled with respect and compassion, where she will learn what it means to love and be loved, where kisses abound and tension is almost non existent, where she will only hear words of affirmation and not disgust. In that regard I need a stronger me to be able to provide her with all that and to be strong I need a time to heal from the devastation that our falling apart has caused. I thank you for wanting to be a part of her life, for trying to be present no matter the distance but I need you gone from our lives for a time being cause I have so much to deal with when you decided to leave me and make a single mother out of me. I have to plan our future, hers and mine, and I need a clear head and a steady heart for that. I need to process my emotions to rid myself from pain and sorrow and hearing you talk to her, seeing your face smile at her will only cause me to go down a dark horrible path of self pity and illogical hope. I hope you understand my decision to close our communications cause I couldn’t be the mother she deserves if I fall apart, you must know that it is driving me insane. Looking at her everyday is breaking me to pieces, like I am shattering over and over again. One day I will come out of this stronger, without hatred and with full understanding as to why everything did not fall into place. Rest assured that she will grow up knowing forgiveness and love and she will one day understand why there was a time in her life where you were not around. I will own up to those missing months or years but for now please let us go cause it was not even my choice to be placed in this position and I guess I deserve to be given the space and time I need to rebuild my brokenness.
The horror of corporate DIVISION
Each company have their own vision and mission set in order for everyone to be streamlined. Although compartmentalization is a must so that each department can work to the best of their ability, everyone should, at the end of the day, be one in the goal that they are aiming for.
In the thousands of articles and books ever written by business moguls and researchers, of those who has been tested through time and has known the ins and outs of the Business World one goal that is similar across all is delighting customers. Hearing the words ‘Customer is always right’ seems to be such a cliche’ but whether we want it or not customers are always right. They are at the very least the reason why we exist and the reason why we would continue existing. They pay for our goods and services, provide us with free marketing by word of mouth and sometimes some will be disappointed with what we have provided them. Customer is always right. Not that their claim is always completely true, its human nature to exaggerate, we all get carried away by our emotions and by that we sometimes use words that are bigger than our problems to get our point across. However, no matter which side we look at it, they, the ones who paid, the ones who decided to hand us their money – they are right.
Every complain, as what I have learned from working with Australia’s biggest telco, has an amicable settlement. It has an in between where both the company and customer can meet and consider a win win, however no matter how agreeable and reasonable a settlement is if everyone does not believe in it – it is sure to fail. For those who are working desperately hard, the negotiator, those who break their backs trying to arrive to an understandable ground (missing my Telstra Complains Resolutions Manager colleagues) it is mentally draining to be able to pacify and let someone agree, even though you are obviously at fault and even more draining if the rest of the gang just won’t run along your side and say, hey I have your back on this one, we are in this together.
What I am trying to say is, every business has a learning opportunity, there will be stumbling blocks along the way, we will fail and disappoint people but we will learn – for tomorrow, for the betterment, as long as we work together, no matter which department we are from and try to listen to ideas and be open for change. There will be times that tenure is going to be of no use. Empathy knows no age and relevant experiences, (experience being almost synonymous with time) can come from people who has been exposed to varying circumstances. Resolution will only work if we believe in the process being offered. A company will only grow if everyone has everyone’s interest in mind.
In the world where every question is answered by Google and in a time where the generation following us is more inclined to ask the world wide web than someone like his or her parents, do we leave the definition of love for our children to seek elsewhere?
What is love? Like any other Christian I would often refer to 1 Cor 13 which says love is patient and kind, does not envy, isn’t proud not self seeking and all that but I just learned this Sunday through a powerful message by Josh Mcdowell during CFC’s service that those are not the definition of love, those are acts of love; what you would do when you love someone but how do you really know when you love someone?
We often hear people say and quote Mark 12:30-31 where we should love God with all our heart and soul and then love our neighbors as we love ourselves. In Ephesians husbands are commanded to love their wives as their own body. With these examples we know that God wants us to be able to love ourselves first so we know how to love others. How we treat US is our guide in knowing how to be able to treat other people. So what is the definition of love? According to the message that I actually had to watched over and over again for me to be able to fully understand and grasp, it says LOVE can be defined by 3 simple words. PROVIDE AND PROTECT!
When you do everything you can to be able to provide and protect for someone, that is LOVE but first you must be able to provide and protect yourself. A good example given is that time when a flight attendant would tell you as a parent to first put your mask on before you put your child’s in care of emergencies. Why? Because we have to be alive and well in order for us to care for others. When we make sure that we keep ourselves wholly fit, that means we are emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually healthy then we are able to give out love to others. It actually does makes sense, as a mother, how would I be able to love my children when I’m sick or emotionally unstable? Then the message goes on to teach us that we should be where our children learns of LOVE’s definition. He challenges the fathers to love the mothers as he would himself cause that is where a child learns how to treat others. When a boy grows into a man how he treats women will depend on how his father treated his mother and vice versa. What about those with single parents? Then our kids will learn the definition of Love by how we love ourselves and how we treat other people.
So loving then means:
- Provide yourself with what you NEED in order for you to grow emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically then
- Protect yourself from what can damage you emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically.
- Love your children by giving them a true model of LOVE.
- Provide them with a good example and Protect them from what can stain their character.
- Treat your spouse as you would care for your own body and treat others the way you would treat you.
PS. Self love is not bad, it is essential for us to be able to love others. A guide and a requirement.
I hope there was a manual for relationships, marriage and parenting. That one manual that every person is required to have when they enter adulthood, like a life 101 and an obligatory seminar where you’d be taught the hows and whys, the what nots and the what to dos. unfortunately life, #adulting, is more like those Choose Adventure Books you have when you were a kid. The worst thing about it though is that when you get tired or get lost and somewhat don’t like the outcome, you can’t just close the book or go back the previous chapter to reevaluate and change your course by choosing differently. Life has consequences and most of the time the consequences that comes with it is permanent or irrevocable.
You would often hear people wish they were back to being kids, I for one have wished it more than once and if time machines could be invented, it would be a commodity that everyone would want to have. To undo wrong decisions, to go back to a much finer time and to bring back the old. When what we are aiming for is a brighter tomorrow, sometimes it just seems to get gloomier. What I’m trying to say is, life is a journey taken one step at the time, filled with decisions and outcomes, outcomes that are sometimes beyond our control eventhough it is triggered by our actions or inaction, by words spoken or not spoken.
Today we could all look back a year ago, some years ago or a decades past and see how many failed choices and wrong turns we’ve made together with good choices and great outcomes. Life is like that. It is filled with both good and bad. On melodramatic days I can think of so many things I wished I’d done differently. So many words I hope I did or didn’t say and so many actions I hope I did and did not do.
Sometimes when I think of the yesterdays I think most of all about the people I have lost and people I have gained and it breaks my heart to realized that this past year I seemed to have lost more than I have retained. Moving on, I can only wish to make sounder decisions to veer myself away from heartbreaks and from causing people pain but we can only try one day at a time and no matter how much we learn from the past we can never guarantee ourselves and others that we know how to make the best decision all the time. So yeah I wish I had that manual so that I can only look back with smiles and joy and not tears and heartaches.
Anything outside of being a “normal” family is still somewhat considered a taboo in today’s society where single moms are still faced with criticism and divorced or separated mothers and fathers are left to feel guilty about their choices to raise their kids with only one of them present. In a perfect world, we all imagine a stepford mom and a responsible, successful dad with straight A kids living in some suburban neighborhood with as little problem to face like which vacation destination to take next or what movie to watch on Saturday night. But, we are far from living in a perfect world and as much as we want to deny that it is happening a rising percentage of the generation today will be raised in a not so conventional setting.
Saying so, I do not believe that the generations to come is doomed should we all see past the dysfunction and find means to make the present circumstance work. We, humans, have adopted quite well in every era and have survived slavery, wars, famine, dictatorship and many more and adopt we must, lest we plan to raise a generation that will make way for some other form of zombie apocalypse – a world full of emotionally incapable human beings, with blank and empty stares, devoid of humanity.
I read an article earlier today that in order for us to raise emotionally stable kids that could survive every social situations with a sound mind and heart, parents should learn to show affection towards each other in front of their kids. That children should witness love between mothers and fathers but how about those that are raised by single moms or dad or those who are from broken homes? Are we to automatically predict a life of turmoil and mental issues from them? Little boys and girls will learn to treat others from how their parents treated each other, but being raised in an unconventional family setting should in no way be a hindrance for them from learning how to grow up decently.
Some of us will have to raise kids on our own, or we will have to share the responsibility with an estranged someone. If love is not available and affection is something that we cannot show towards each other in front of the little ones then lets show respect and kindness instead. When there is a lack of love lets treat each other with decency instead of hostility, patience instead of anger and understanding instead of contempt. Looking past differences is hard but it is a sacrifice that parents must do their children. Let us never teach our kids to harbor hate and unforgiveness nor shall we show them indifference and resentment.
As the days progress, the Philippines, its government and its people regress. Where we all should be aiming at one goal – which is to uplift the Filipino people, here we are stuck at a war against each other. Political groups fight for their own causes, private sectors criticizing the government without giving sound alternatives, the government doing its own thing without stopping and listening to the cry of either the majority or minority and the people arising vehemently – at times at the cost of the innocent.
Today, as people go out in the streets to protest against tyranny and dictatorship while others who see the governments move and actions as necessary – we are even move divided than we are in the Marcos regime. Instead of us all helping in trying to build a stronger nation – we are all helping it fall apart. We take sides instead of bridging gaps, we speak ill instead of encourage, we hate instead of understand each others perspective, we speak instead of listen.
I am apolitical, I don’t take sides – I am one who believes that, it is up to us to bring change. Not the government, not the opposition – we, the people. If we start to speak our minds with understanding and respect, if we start to write with hope and act with clear intent – then we can start the change from one person to another. I do not believe that starting an effective change will begin from our government – it is corrupt, has been and will always be. We the people will bring the change, from one act of kindness to another.
In this world, we can never deny that there are 2 kinds of people. The GOOD and the BAD. It is something that is beyond our control. Each one of us is raised differently, affected by varying forces, inside and outside of our homes, thus some people grow up decent, others, not so much. We can stay inside our homes and avoid contact with people who can harm us however realistically we all have to leave our homes to go to school, work or simply to enjoy life.
So what can we do? We protect ourselves. How? By being private about our lives as much as possible. I know how it can sometimes feel so elating when people congratulate us for our achievements and success, our new home, new car, expensive jewelry and what not’s but haven’t you realized that by being so open about these milestones we only open up ourselves for harm?
As people progress in this age by embracing technology, people with bad intentions are also embracing such. Like pedophiles have also embraced the world wide web in hunting for their next prey, burglars are using Instagram and Facebook in looking out for who to rob and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. There are bad people out there. As much as we want to believe in the good that is in the world we have to also believe that the bad lurks around some dark corner waiting for your vulnerabilities.
Protect yourself. Protect your loved ones. There is nothing wrong with posting about our lives but learn to filter what you let the world know about you. Your social circle would be happy to know about your children’s milestones but learn to protect your children too. Don’t over expose them. Your marriage, your partner, your job deserves enough privacy. You emotions nonetheless deserves to be protected too.
Is love really necessary for a relationship to last? Is it the main ingredient to a happy lasting partnership? Is love even real or is it some kind of concept taught for us to be able to gauge happiness and contentment between two human beings? People fall in and out of love everyday. People profess their emotions every minute and people grow cold at the same time. Love, our current concept of love, is as unpredictable as it can get. It is wavering, every changing and too affected by outside forces, social media, third party views and era.
One, who has failed at love too many at times or has waited for it far too long, can just question on and on if it is worth troubling oneself with. The world gets lonely, no matter how one says that they are born or built to be independent – how then do we reassure ourselves that it is okay to try one more time? LOVE is always a gamble. A mystery that is yet to be solved. Always different and constantly evolving. It is painful and messy, it is, however also quite rewarding and exhilarating. But for someone who has gone fragile and bitter, is there another option?
Respect. Two humans can live in harmony with respect even if they do not love one another. Although you can never claim to love someone without respecting them, unless your concept of love is deranged, you can always respect someone without having to love them. Too many a times people claim that they love someone but can’t give them the respect that it entails. Broken promises, deceit, constant lies and a general disregard for ones welfare and well being. Love, nowadays, has become selfish and self serving. Where ones aim is to satisfy ones need for approval and attention, understanding and acceptance, one does not reciprocate the same.
Sometimes it is easier to stay in a relationship, after all the giddiness and spark has gone and magic has turned bland, when you feel that you are still being regarded as human – deserving of civility. What I’m really trying to say is, the love that we all know, that fancy emotion that feels like a burst of sunshine, it wavers but when it does, it is not a reason to start disrespecting that someone you are with. They still deserve to feel that they exist. They still need your time and honesty and most of all they still deserve to be treated like living and breathing human beings with emotions and intellect.
We are all constantly facing a war greater that we are all refusing to acknowledge. Not war on politics, or territorial rights, not on drugs or terrorism but a war on meaningful human relationships. Sitting alone in one corner of a public space with nothing but a keen sense of your surrounding you can see that there is too much indifference in the world today than in any other time in history. Gone maybe the days of slavery but we are now enslaved in a much more ruthless form of bondage. A slavery that affects all color and race, age and social status.
When social media was suppose to connect us together, it has broken up relationships, ruined marriages, friendships gone sour etc. One can just shake ones head as you see people dining together with their heads down, in their own world, locked in those shiny screen that gives them access to everyone else outside of their world but has disconnected them to the ones in arms reach. Instead of embracing moments together we preoccupy ourselves with how to best capture our experiences, the travel, the food, the special occasions to a point that we actually forget how to truly experience these wonderful moments in life. We let our Instagram photos speak for us never realizing that when the time comes and we would need to look back on it, those supposedly wonderful experiences were devoid of any meaningful emotions.
Gone are the days when people would sit and have meaningful conversations about life and love, about the good old days of childhood and high school crushes, about heartbreaks and success. Gone are the days when the first thing we reach for as we open our eyes are our significant others, embracing and being thankful for yet another day to get by. Our gadgets have brainwashed us into believing that it is more important than the people we cherish. I remember a mobile company’s tag line, connecting people – it doesn’t seem true anymore.
So next time you are with someone, put the phone down, the people on the other line can wait, that someone in front of you has gone out of their way to make time hoping for an interaction. Connect, relive and make precious memories you can treasure for the rest of your lives. No amount of pictures can make up for lost opportunities simply because you were too preoccupied taking pictures that you forgot to run free and embrace the beauty of now.
When you barely had 4 hours of sleep, 30 weeks pregnant and seriously round, being lazy is at the top of your priority, however, this morning is not one of those morning spent staring at the ceiling hoping the day would end tremendously fast. A few days ago I received an invitation to attend a free seminar called Digitize Cebu: Empowering SMEs through Digital Marketing at the Grand Ballroom of Marriot Cebu. Listening to the very perky and beautiful Jessa from Globe MyBusiness, I honestly barely heard everything she said while I was thinking of the possible free food there is at the said event. So the day has come and hoping to be fashionably late, which I never am (fashionable, that is) I was seated right beside the lovely Carmen Albiso listening and trying to comprehend while at the back of my mind also wishing food is going to be served soon.
As a Marketing Executive, which in all honesty, I’m still trying to “fake it till you make it” the DIGITAL WORLD holds to much promise if and when we play our cards right – that’s probably the first thing I learned in this job I landed barely 2 years ago. Opening this seminar was the charming MR. Mayor, Tommy Osmena, who I think is doing a fine job in keeping his citizens abreast with what’s happening in his city through his social media account. He asked the participants one important question that we all should be at one point in our life be asking ourselves, Where would we be without innovation? A simple answer to that would be, in darkness and coldness as Fire the first among all the others [innovation] that followed has allowed the world to eat better, sleep safer and continue to thrive.
So in a nutshell, what was DIGITIZE CEBU all about, according to Ken Lingan, Country Manager for Google, digital transformation allows small businesses to compete with bigger brands, why? because the internet, which is accessible to all, levels the playing field to allow the presence of small businesses to be felt. Where expanding your business outside of your locality would require tremendous amount of capital in the past, digital marketing has paved a way to much cheaper and convenient means for owners to go beyond their comfort zone.
For someone who is barely new to this industry, the marketing world and the business of advertising, the World Wide Web and social media has greatly empowered me. I still have a long way to go in terms of learning my way through it but as long as I’m connected I am sure to find the answers from the essentials to the the more complicated. Marketing, digital marketing, to be specific is one that most, if not all businesses should strive to be good at. In this age where 65 millions of Filipinos are constantly online, you can always reach your target market where ever you are round the clock.